What to Do When You Know Someone at the Company but Haven't Talked in Years

You found a company that's hiring for your dream role. You check your LinkedIn connections, and there's someone you worked with four years ago who's now at that company. You two got along well. You haven't spoken since you left. The idea of reconnecting with old contacts for a job referral makes your stomach tighten, and your instinct is to do nothing, to apply through the portal like everyone else and hope for the best.

That instinct is wrong. And it's costing you interviews.

Referred candidates are hired at 4x the rate of cold applicants, according to LinkedIn's hiring data. That former colleague you're afraid to message could be the difference between your resume getting read and your resume sitting in an ATS black hole for three weeks before an automated rejection email hits your inbox.

The awkwardness you're feeling is normal. It's also manageable. Below is a framework for reaching out to someone you've lost touch with, complete with message templates you can adapt and send today.

Why Dormant Connections Are More Valuable Than You Think

Dormant professional ties, meaning people you once knew well but haven't contacted in a year or more, are among the most effective paths to a new job. Sociologist Mark Granovetter's foundational 1973 study, "The Strength of Weak Ties," found that people were far more likely to find jobs through acquaintances than through close friends. The data was striking: over 80% of people who found work through a contact described that contact as someone they saw "occasionally" or "rarely."

Why? Because your close friends tend to move in the same circles you do. They know the same people, hear about the same openings, and have access to the same information. Your dormant connections, the former colleague who moved to a different industry, the college friend who ended up in a completely different city, bridge separate networks. They have visibility into opportunities your inner circle will never see.

A 2011 study published in Organization Science by researchers at Wharton and Columbia went further. They found that reconnecting with dormant ties produced more novel information and creative solutions than reaching out to current, active connections. Dormant ties delivered the best of both worlds: the trust of an established relationship combined with the fresh perspective of a distant one.

And here's the part most people get wrong: the awkwardness is overwhelmingly one-sided. Research from the University of Pittsburgh found that people systematically overestimate how negatively others will react when they reach out after a long silence. In reality, most people are pleased to hear from a former colleague. They understand that life gets busy. They've let connections lapse too. And they're generally willing to help when the ask is clear and reasonable.

So the biggest obstacle to reactivating a dormant connection isn't the other person's willingness. It's your own reluctance to send the first message.

The Reactivation Framework

The most effective approach for reconnecting with a dormant contact for a job referral is a three-step sequence: warm up, ask, and make it easy. Spreading this across two or three messages over the course of a week prevents the interaction from feeling transactional while keeping the momentum going. Here's how each step works.

Step 1: The Warm-Up Message

The purpose of the first message is to reconnect without asking for anything. You're reestablishing the relationship on its own terms. Reference something specific: a shared project, a memory from working together, something you noticed about their career progression. Specificity signals that you remember them as a person, and it separates your message from a generic networking blast.

Notice what this message doesn't do: it doesn't mention a job opening, it doesn't ask for a favor, and it doesn't try to cram a referral request into a reconnection. It opens a door. That's it.

Step 2: The Specific Ask (2-5 Days Later)

Once they've responded (and most will, because the warm-up message is low-pressure), wait two to five days. Then send the ask. By this point the conversation is already flowing, and your request feels like a natural progression instead of an ambush.

The phrase "I don't want to put you in an awkward position" does real work here. It gives them permission to say no without guilt. Paradoxically, making it easy to decline makes people more likely to say yes.

Step 3: Make It Easy (After They Agree)

When someone agrees to refer you or make an introduction, don't make them figure out how to describe you. Draft the intro for them. Send a short blurb they can copy and forward with minimal editing. Remove every ounce of friction from the process.

This step is where most people drop the ball. They get the "yes" and then send their resume with zero context, forcing their contact to craft the positioning on the fly. Write the message for them. Make yourself easy to refer.

When You Can Skip the Warm-Up

The three-step approach works well for contacts you've lost touch with over time. But there are situations where splitting the reconnection and the ask into separate messages feels forced, like you're following a script rather than having a conversation. In these cases, going direct is the better move.

You worked closely together. If you spent months or years working side by side, the relationship has a foundation that doesn't require rebuilding. You can reference your shared history and make the ask in the same breath. They know who you are and what you're capable of.

You have a strong mutual connection who can vouch for you. If a close mutual friend or colleague has already mentioned you, or if you can reference someone who suggested you reach out, the warm-up is built in. The social proof does the reconnecting for you.

The role is senior and time-sensitive. Director-level and above roles often have compressed hiring timelines. If the posting has been up for two weeks and you have a connection at the company, a two-step sequence might mean the role closes before you even make the ask. Speed matters here.

The One-Message Approach

For situations where a two-step feels excessive, this template combines the reconnection and the ask into a single message that reads naturally. It works best with former colleagues you had a solid working relationship with, people who'd recognize your name and have a positive association even if years have passed.

The line "I'll be straightforward: a job search gave me the nudge" is important. Everyone knows why you're reaching out after years of silence. Trying to disguise a referral request as a casual catch-up insults their intelligence. Naming the reason directly comes across as self-aware and respectful of their time.

The question about team dynamics ("is this a group worth joining?") serves a dual purpose. It's a question you'd ask anyway, and it invites them to share their perspective, which gives them an easy on-ramp to respond even if they can't help with the referral itself.

What If They Don't Respond

Most people will respond to a well-written reconnection message. But some won't, and it's worth having a plan for that so you don't spiral into overthinking.

The most common reason for silence is boring: they're busy. Your message landed during a crunch week, got buried under fifty other notifications, or they read it and meant to respond but forgot. It's rarely personal.

Send one follow-up after 5 to 7 business days. Keep it brief and give them an easy out:

That's it. Two messages total. A third message moves from persistent to pushy, and it shifts the dynamic from collegial to uncomfortable. If they don't respond to the follow-up, the answer is no, or at least not right now. Accept it and move on.

A few things that help with perspective:

• You've done nothing wrong by asking. Asking for help is a normal part of professional life. Every person who's worked in a functional organization has been on both sides of a referral request.
• One non-response says nothing about you. It says something about their inbox, their week, or their comfort level with referrals in general.
• Don't burn the bridge in your head. You might hear from them three months later with an apology and an intro. People circle back.

What you should never do: send a passive-aggressive follow-up, post vaguely on LinkedIn about "who your real friends are," or write them off permanently because they didn't respond to one message. That's letting your ego make decisions your career will pay for.

Maintaining the Connection After

Whether your contact helped you land an interview or never responded at all, the relationship doesn't end with the ask. The strongest professional networks are built through consistent, small interactions over time, not through sporadic high-stakes requests.

If they helped you, close the loop. Let them know what happened. Send a quick message when you get the interview, when you move to the next round, or when you get the offer. People who refer candidates want to know how it turned out. If you got the job, a handwritten thank-you note (yes, a physical one) goes a long way. If you didn't get the role, still thank them and let them know you appreciated the effort.

If they didn't respond, don't hold a grudge. Keep them in your network. React to their LinkedIn posts occasionally. If you come across an article or a resource relevant to their work, send it along with a one-line note. These micro-interactions keep the relationship warm without requiring a major time investment from either side.

Build the habit now. Set a reminder to reach out to three to five dormant contacts per month with no ask attached. Share something useful, congratulate a promotion, or just say hello. When you do need to make a professional request six months from now, you'll be reaching out to an active connection instead of a dormant one. The best time to strengthen your network is before you need it.

For more on how to structure the ask itself, see our guide on how to ask for a warm intro without being awkward.

Frequently Asked Questions